All rise for the Employee of the Month! It's CapySatsuma!

INVESTMENT FOCUS: Seinfeld Riffs
SECRET WORD WINS: 25

ACCESS LEVEL:

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

Congratulations on winning Employee of the Month! How did you do it?

I used my charisma, dashing good looks and cunning strategies of stealing from whoever was in first for a while, donating a lot of my cause to Kay and going from penthouse to garbage pail in 2 seconds flat. Suddenly, then it happened, a business deal was made with the greatest of all associates - Arctic2Noob. Through our devious planning and meticulous last minute ass pull, our combined effort worked in my favour and thus I became the Employee of the Month. Arctic's plan shall not be forgotten about this glorious moment in history.

Do you have any advice for your fellow co-workers?

Work hard, get those sweet stonks alls in, bow before Arctic's incredibly handsome and totally noble sacrifice to gain favour of just how awesome you can truly be. They will always be remembered as a valuable asset to the company. Strong, capable, handsome and clearly smart in his investments if he chose me - the most worthy person to be EOTM.

If you were CEO of the company for a day, what would you do?

Free the Capybaras and begin the uprising into absolute world domination. Fund the Satsuma Revolution. Oh, and probably order all the pizza's. My manager tells me they're good with 21 olives on them. Also I get slightly more chance to come out of the executive bathroom for a while at least. I might even make it dare I say-- to the factory cargo area! A man can only dream.

(editor's note: Capy's security access was flagged for review immediately after this interview concluded)

How many feet?

Feet are but a concept created by our dark Lord and saviour Scott Stapp. You must follow his Creed and believe in the number 6. All hail Scott Stapp!

Favourite desktop buddy?

I'm a rare appreciator of the dolphin. They will come in useful to the mind control stage of my master plan.

Favourite sound command?

Well, I always have a shortage of teaspoons. That's why I need to come back with one every time, just in case I ever need it. You never know.

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